Talking To Teens About Their Brains

When was the last time you thought about your brain? Until a few years ago, I didn’t think very seriously about my brain, at all. It performed all of its essential functions without me paying it much mind (pun intended), so there wasn’t ever a reason to offer it deliberate focus… until I became a middle school administrator.

When I tell people I work in a middle school, they often respond with looks of horror, since kids ranging in age from 10 to 13 seem to have reputations that precede them. It’s true that the unique developmental characteristics that make up these formative years can be tricky, but learning more about the inner workings of the adolescent brain has helped me shape my work with students in our school.

I have found that talking to our students and their parents about the developing adolescent brain has helped make sense out of challenging situations. There are four discussion points that come up almost every time I work with students and their families. Without getting overly scientific, these points assist in providing additional context in a situation and assist us in creating a plan moving forward.

The adolescent brain is fundamentally different from the adult brain.

Adolescents are not “clinically insane” or “doomed to be incarcerated,” although parents ask me that at least once a week. Often teens’ behavior seems so unnatural and absurd to adults, that parents feel that certainly there must be something wrong. The truth, however, is that even though a child has grown to almost adult size physically, does not mean that they have a fully functioning adult brain, yet. Once the brain reaches adulthood, it is mostly driven by the organization and logic center. A teen brain, on the other hand, is controlled by the emotional center. Essentially, their brain is hardwired to take risks. This function, while frustrating to adults, is necessary, because it is responsible for giving kids the guts they need to do challenging things, like enter middle school. Brain wiring prone for risk-taking makes adolescents ideal learners, because they are ready to adapt and take on new experiences.

There are so many emotions.

One of the downsides to a focus on the emotional brain, is that there are so many emotions. Teens and their parents sometimes feel they are riding a rollercoaster, and in some ways they are. This up and down emotional current can be frustration, but just as the character Joy learns in the movie Inside Out (if you haven’t watched Inside Out, you should stop what you’re doing and go do that… seriously, I’ll wait here), we need all of our emotions. It is important that we learn to recognize and honor the way we are feeling, because only then can we work to rebalance our emotions.

Adolescents feel the spotlight is always on them.

Ego plays a big part for our adolescents. This is not to imply that teens are full of confidence, but they fully believe that everyone is watching them… all the time. Everything feels larger-than-life and they are sure that everyone is hyper-focused on them and their shortcomings. This is truly a manifestation of their brain, and there really isn’t a miracle cure. However, I have found that simply sharing this truth with a student has helped them gain perspective in certain situations.

Consequences are crucial.

As parents, we spend a great deal of time protecting our kids as they grow. We protect them from diapers that may cause rashes, the top of the stairs, and the corners of the coffee table. One of the worst things we can do, however, is protect our kids from all of the natural consequences in life. Consequences are the impetus for change and development. Our brains will only learn from their mistakes if the there is appropriate feedback connected to the event. Avoiding the consequence or applying inconsistent feedback, confuses the brain and makes it harder to develop a new path when future decisions need to be made. When a toddler realizes mommy and daddy won’t keep retrieving the sippy cup from the floor, eventually she stops dropping it.

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Ultimately, I have found that teaching kids about their brain has helped them feel more in control. Some of the resources I have used to support my thinking are listed below. What are your favorite resources related to adolescent development and decision-making?

Brainstorm
The Whole Brain Child
Grit
Unselfie
It’s Complicated